


Hearts of the Past and Present

by writingrosie



Category: AMC's The Walking Dead, The Walking Dead
Genre: Death, Drama, F/M, Gore, Horror, Love, Romance, Violence, Zombies, walker - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-01-10
Updated: 2014-01-11
Packaged: 2018-01-08 06:31:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death, Underage
Chapters: 10
Words: 20,301
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1129424
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/writingrosie/pseuds/writingrosie
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>This story is the sequel to 'Stars of the Dead' by writingrosie.</p><p>The story is set 2 and a half months after Lily escaped her walker ridden house with her cousin Jake, and 2 months since she escaped Woodbury with Daryl thanks to Rick, Maggie, Glen, Carl and her Uncle Pete who she thought was dead.</p><p>Bella is still out there, Daryl is a loner and Lily is border line depressed. How can the group deal with their broken members?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Chapter 1 – Time Heals All

It’s been 2 and a half months since, my cousin Jake, and I fled our walker infested home base, and about 2 months since Daryl and I left Woodbury, since then things haven’t been going too well.

The night before we returned ‘home’, and by home I mean the prison, Daryl and I promised to be friends and to look after each other and unfortunately, on both halves, we have broken this promise.

That morning I woke up in Daryl’s arms, he was still in a deep sleep so I managed to escape his grasp without waking him; I thanked the alcohol for that. This was the worst I had ever felt while being here in the motel, even when I was first carried in. I took a generous amount of pain killers and sat on the sofa to be alone with my thoughts until the rest of the group woke up.

It was a long and quiet day, filled with misery and grief. Soon enough we packed up useful things from the motel into the cars and drove back to the prison. A few walkers had wandered through the broken gates but it wasn’t anything Michonne and her sword couldn’t handle.

Almost silently, the group took everything out of the car and brought it inside.

Glen and Maggie picked up a shovel and went out into the field to dig a grave for Carol by the other dead members of the group who I didn’t know, but may they be in a better place.

Rick and Daryl were getting ready to jump in the truck and head back to Woodbury to retrieve Carol’s body.

“Would you like me to come?” I offered, it was the first thing I had said to him all day.

Daryl shook his head and hopped in the car; Rick got in the driver’s seat and took off back through our broken gates.

Before I knew it, the grave had been dug, Rick and Daryl were back with Carol’s body wrapped in bed sheets and Hershel was saying a few prayers as each member of the group threw in a hand full of dirt.

We stood for a moment of silence to remember Carol as the loving mother figure she was, then we returned to the prison. I looked up to Daryl, he had held himself together pretty well in front of everyone but I knew he was just waiting for them to go. I decided it was best for me to leave him; nothing I said could make him feel better right now.

I left him outside by Carol's grave and he didn’t return for hours after the funeral. He finally came back inside by night fall, with a few animals he had took down with his crossbow, he left for the woods when things got too much for him.

Almost every day, he wanders out into the forest, the majority of the time he wanders aimlessly just to get some peace or some piece of mind. It was just his way of getting over the loss of Carol, the loss of me and the loss of Bella. Everyone he had ever loved or was close to weren’t in his life anymore, not even me.

My own self remedy of healing was time, supposedly time healed all but every night since we got back to the prison, for two months solid I have woke up during the night at least once because of nightmares, and most of the time they involved Daryl, Bella and sometimes my Uncle Pete, Rick and Carol.

For the first week, Daryl would hear me stirring in the night and wake me up. If I was already awake, he’d come to my cell door to see if I was okay, but that was it; never in my cell, just outside the door.

The first night he didn’t come to see if I was okay, I was woken up violently. I shot up out of bed, sweating and panting, surely Daryl would have heard me but he chose not to come. I cried myself to sleep that night.

Every night since then, I have woken up and Daryl hasn’t been to check on me. But I knew that night that our friendship was over, and a friendship wasn’t possible. It was too difficult for us to be friends and nothing else. I cared for Daryl, and he cared for me dearly but we couldn’t stand to see each other so hurt.

I started to spend more time outside the prison than in, although I would hardly ever leave the prison gates apart from runs. I’d sit in the grass, a meter away from the fence and just watch the trees’ branches blow in the wind. The fresh air and nature was my medicine but it didn’t seem to be working very quickly.

I am not a complete waste of space; I clean, I cook, I go out on runs, I play with Judith, I helped my Uncle Pete with the broken gates. I did all that stuff, but just not with a smile on my face.  
I find it so hard to smile now, and I know it breaks my Uncle’s heart but I cannot find happiness anywhere, anywhere other than with baby Judith.

I bring her out into the field with me and let her into my little bubble, I play with her, I laugh and I even sing to her. This child reminds me of innocence and gives me hope. I wish I was with her 24/7 because at the moment she is the only person who can make me smile.

The crunching of pebbles under foot brought me out of my bubble; it was Daryl with crossbow on back heading for the gates. I watched him let himself out, and close the gate behind him, not even glancing my way. He knew I was here, I’m always here.

How did I let things get so bad between us?Whydid I let this happen?

I rubbed my hands over my face then pushed my hair back, Woodbury ruined everything.

“Bad day?” Maggie asked as she took in my actions and body language.

I sighed, “Like every other day.”

“Mind if I sit?” she gestured to the spot next to me.

“Be my guest.”

Maggie sat down crossed legged beside me, it was quiet between us for a while but then she got down to business, I never have company when I’m out here, my only ever company is Judith.

“I’m worried about ya Lily, in fact we all are.” She began, Maggie sounded genuinely concerned.

“Does we include Daryl?” I asked and nodded in the direction he headed in.

“EspeciallyDaryl,” her eyes were trusting, “He’s heartbroken Lily. When he sees ya out here, a piece of him dies inside ‘cause he thinks it is all his fault.”

I scoffed, “If he is so cut up about it, why doesn’t he come over and talk to me? Why doesn’t anyone talk to me?”

Maggie was taken aback by my harsh accusations, I didn’t really mean it, it’s just I’m so angry. I’m angry all the time and I don’t know how to deal with it or what to do.

“I’m talking to ya Lily, right now. I want to help ya. The group wants the old, sarcastic, happy, fun Lily back, the one who was comfortable being practically naked in front of everyone.” She stood up and brushed her bum of dirt.

“You all expect too much from me, I wash, I cook, I help out however I can! I can’t be the fucking entertainer too.” I exclaimed.

“We want you, to be you again.”

Maggie left me to think about what she just said; I wrapped my arms around my knees and rested my head on top of them.

I’m sorry I’m making everyone miserable and making them feel uncomfortable but what else can I do? I’m doing what they need with helping out and stuff, but it’s not what they want. They want me to be happy, and so do I but it’s not that easy. They want me to be myself again, but I lost her long ago.

I pulled up the hood of my jacket and pulled my sleeves over my cold hands, winter was well on it’s way. I laid back onto the damp grass and watched the grey clouds float by.

I must had dosed off as I woke up to being kicked on the shoulder, “Lily, wake up.”

I sat up and stretched, it was Carl stood above me.

“What?” I asked.

“I want to talk to ya,” He said acting all serious like his dad.

Clearly Maggie had reported back to the group, explain that there was no progress with my behaviour and now Carl was having a try.

“Go ahead sir,” a small amount of my sarcasm had remained with me.

“I need you to get out of this stupid pathetic depressive phase,” I couldn’t believe the words were leaving Carl’s mouth. “Yeah, you were tortured, but it was only by a girl. You ain’t dying, just get over it and smile for once, ain’t that hard.”

I swiped the bottom of Carl’s legs causing him to fall hard onto his back. I pinned him to the ground, arms above his head and had my face inches away from his.

“Listen here you little cunt,” I spat. “You have no idea what I have been through these past 2 months. Don’t you dare tell me to ‘just get over it’ because believe me, if it was that simple, I would have done it weeks ago.”

Carl squirmed underneath me, “Let go!” he cried.

“Oh we ain’t so brave and tough now are we Carl? Little prick.”

“Hey!” a voice shouted.

They stormed over and grabbed Carl by the collar of his skirt to pull him out of my grip, I released him and sat back down.

“What the fuck are ya doin’ Lily?” Daryl shouted. This was the most he had said to me in weeks.

“That little cock needs to learn that this world isn’t very easy and people don’t just get over things!” I shouted to Carl more so than Daryl.

Daryl was stood in a protective stance; Carl was behind him, his hand on the kid’s chest.

“She called me a cunt!” Carl spragged.

“Fuck off Carl,” I replied and rolled my eyes, acting like a kid his age.

“Enough Lily.” Daryl said sternly. “Carl, go inside.”

Carl did as he was told for once and half walked, half ran back inside the prison.

Daryl messed with his hair, sighed and sat near me but not too close. “Ya can’t be attacking 12 year old kids, telling ‘em to fuck off and be callin’ them cunts Lily..”

“He is he-“ I began to explain myself but Daryl stopped me.

“No Lily, just stop. It’s this sorta stuff that makes everyone think ya goin’ crazy.”

“What sort of stuff?” I asked defensively.

“Sittin’ out in the cold and the rain for hours, hardly talkin’ but havin’ full conversations with the baby. It’s weird.” Daryl explained.

“She’s the only one I want to talk to, I feel like she’s the only one that cares.” I felt myself welling up.

“Please, just start makin’ an effort with everyone, talk to them. Not for me, but for yaself. Y'all will feel better.” He asked.

“Okay.."


	2. Apologies

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lily says sorry to Carl and Rick, Maggie too. She makes an effort with the group in order to get back to her talkative happy self, but is it one step forward and two steps back?

I knew I was in trouble. As soon as I walked into the cell block, Rick’s eyes were on me with Carl by his side. Busted.

I looked at him guiltily and made my way over, I might as well get this over and done with now.

“I’m sorry for attacking your kid, telling him to fuck off.. and for calling him a cunt.” I chewed my bottom lip.

“Carl,” he said.

“And I’m sorry for bein’ so insensitive.” Carl said.

“Are we okay then?” Rick asked with raised eyebrows.

I literally felt like I was 8 years old and I was being told off by a teacher in the playground and then being forced to be friends with another kid.

“Yep,” I said and held out my hand to Carl, thankfully he took it and we shook.

Carl went over Beth and took his baby sister from her arms; it was his turn to feed her, also to have a little bonding session. Maggie, Glen, Hershel and Michonne were eating supper, Uncle Pete was faffing on with a load of backpacks and Daryl had sneaked off to his bed.

Rick put his hand on my shoulder, “Listen Lily, I know ya probably sick of hearing this now but am worried about ya.”

I rolled my eyes.

“Look, I know what it’s like, I’ve been crazy. Now I’m not saying you are but that’s where y’all will be headed if you don’t sort yourself out soon.” He was genuinely concerned about me.

“I’m sorry, but it’s hard. And it’s not like Daryl has been much help! We promised each other..” I drifted off.

“He’ll come around soon enough; ya know what he’s like. It’s been difficult for him too.”

I really did need to sort myself out soon, I felt myself slipping and I wasn’t too bothered about it when I should be, a lot.

I grabbed some supper and sat next to Maggie, on to my next apology of the day.

“Hey Maggie, I’m sorry for earlier.” I began.

“It’s alright,”

“No like, I really am. I shouldn’t have spoken to you in that way, I know you’re only trying to help.” I tried to sound as sincere as I truly was.

Maggie giggled slightly, “I guess I put it better than Carl,”

Glen and Michonne smirked into their supper.

I laughed too, “Yeah, much nicer.”

“So bad ass calling him a cunt Lily,” Glen commented.

“Enough of the language,” Hershel raised his eyebrows.

“It’s the most emotion you’ve shown since we got here,” Michonne said, and she was absolutely right.

“I know, I’m constantly angry!”

Beth took the seat beside me and joined the conversation.

“You know what sorts that out?” Maggie asked rhetorically with a glint in her eye. “Sex.”

Glen, Michonne and I laughed, Beth went bright red and her Dad got up from the table.

“I think I’ve had enough of the young chatter today,” He said as he picked up his crutches.

This only made us laugh more.

I got up to check on my Uncle who had been racking through our stuff for ages.

“What you doing?” I asked.

I think he was taken aback by the relaxed look on my face, I’ve been wearing a frown for two months straight.

“Oh erm, I’m just sortin’ out some bags for the winter. I want everyone to where one when we go out for runs, ya know, be more prepared.”

“Good idea Pete,” I smiled. My uncle was like the Bear Grylls of the apocalypse.

“It’s nice to see ya smiling Lil, and talking!” He said and laughed.

“It feels good,” I replied.

Judith had finished being fed and could not stop crying. Carl gave up and handed her over to her dad, even Rick couldn’t quiet her down.

I looked at everyone’s tired faces, they were getting pretty fed up with this crying.. usually Judith was a quiet baby.

“Do you want me to try?” I asked Rick with my arms outstretched.

He placed Judith into my arms; the crying didn’t even pause for the movement.

I rocked her in my arms, shushed her and toured cell block C. I walked up and down, up and down until my legs began to ache. Judith was having none of it tonight.

People were starting to get ready for bed; they’d need some good ears plugs to get some sleep tonight by the sound of things but Beth hung around with me and Judith, she was my back up when I, or if I, gave in to her relentless crying.

I sighed, Judith left me no choice but to sing her to sleep. It’s what I did to her when we were outside together, it calmed her down when she spotted a groaning walker outside the fence. Not only did my singing calm the baby down but me too, it let my mind rest for a short while; I thought of nothing but the lyrics and chords I’d play if I had my guitar with me.

I cleared my throat.

“It's you, it's you, it's all for you,  
Everything I do.  
I tell you all the time,  
Heaven is a place on earth with you,  
Tell me all the things you wanna do,  
I heard that you like the bad girls  
Honey, is that true?  
It's better than I ever even knew.  
They say that the world was built for two,  
Only worth living if somebody is loving you,  
Baby, now you do.”

Judith stopped crying and did a great big yawn, I didn’t even know it was possible for her tiny mouth to open so wide. She was shattered.

Rick popped his head round the corner of the bed cells when silence was returned, “I did it!” I exclaimed in a hushed tone to both Beth and Rick.

“Thank god,” he laughed lightly. “You’re a beautiful singer Lily. I think we’ve found ourselves Judith’s new lullaby.”

“Wow Lily, ya really are!” Beth backed Rick’s compliment.

"Nearly as good as Beth," He winked.

I blushed, “Thanks.”

Rick opened the door to his bed cell for me and I placed Judith down in her cot. I smiled to myself as I watched her now peaceful face dream hopefully beautiful dreams.

“Thanks for tonight Lil, you've made a real effort, now go get some sleep. You look knackered,” Rick said.

“I am,” I replied after yawning.

“Good night,”

“Night.” I said to him, “Night Beth,” I called as she stepped into her bed cell.

“G’night.”

I dragged my tired feet up to the second story of bed cells. Daryl still sleeps out on the walk way, he didn’t like the cells to much, I made sure to step over him in the darkness.

I climbed into bed and frankly, I couldn’t be bothered with taking off my clothes, besides they’d keep me warm now the nights were getting colder.

As soon as my head hit my pillow, I was out light a light.

 

She’s out there. She’s been watching me. I shot up out of bed.

I can’t have her out there, she’s dangerous. There’s the baby, she’ll hurt the baby or Carl or Hershel..

I can’t believe she’s came so close to us, how dare she. She needs to stay away, she’s no longer part of my life. I was trying to block her out.

I pulled my legs out of the covers and lazily put on my boots, not feeling the need to tie them. I pulled out my gun and knife from under my bed and began to head downstairs.

My feet kicked something along the way, just before the stairs that led me down and closer to her.

“Lily what are you doin’ up?” A sleepy Daryl asked.

“She’s out there, she needs to go.”

“Who’s out there? Where are ya goin?!”

I continued on my short journey, Daryl didn’t need to know. I could handle this myself.

I heard the rustling of bed covers and the sound of Daryl’s ungraceful footsteps come down the stairs. He stood in front of me, in my way.

“Where are ya goin’ Lily? Why d’ya have a gun?” he asked.

“I’ll take care of it,” I replied and stepped around him.

“Rick, Rick quick!” Daryl said urgently but tried to keep quiet so he didn’t wake the baby. “I think Lily’s sleep walkin’!”

I didn’t give much attention to the guys back in the cell block, I had other, more important, issues to deal with. She was out there, she was alive and I needed to end her.

I walked outside into the darkness, stars filling the sky. I headed towards the first gate and managed to open it with cold fingers.

I continued to the next gate but kept tripping up over my untied shoes, I kicked them off for ease.

“Lily!” Uncle Pete’s voice shouted me.

I turned round with my gun raised, how dare they sneak up on me from behind.

Pete, Rick and Daryl stopped suddenly in their tracks.

“Woah Lily, put down the gun.” Rick said with eyes wide.

“Who are ya lookin’ for?!” Daryl asked once again.

“Bella, she’s out here. She’s been watching me, watching me with the baby. She needs to die.”

“Sweetie, no one’s there.” Pete said scanning the outskirts of the woods.

“She is!” I shouted and turned around, there she was. “She’s right there!” I aimed my gun and shot at her.

The loud sound of a fired gun woke me up, I jumped awake and took in my surroundings and stance.

In my hands were a gun and knife, the gun and knife I keep under my bed. I dropped them out of my shaking hands to the floor.

I was freezing, my feet were numb. What was I doing outside? What was I doing armed?!

“Lily,” Rick’s calm voice spoke.

I whizzed around to see Daryl, Rick and Pete staring at me. They were spread out in a line, their hands by their guns in their pockets, Daryl had hold of his crossbow.

“W-What’s going on? Why am I outside?” I whimpered.

“Shhhh Lil, you were sleep walking. Like when you were little.” Pete explained.

“Why do I have a gun with me?” I turned around to the forest, it was where I was facing when I woke up.

Had I shot someone? Had I been killing walkers in my sleep? Nope, there wasn’t a body in sight. What was I doing?

“You said you seen Bella in the forest, ya said she’s been watching you..” Rick said.

I crossed my arms over my chest and rubbed each opposite arm and the tears fell.

The men finally thought it was safe enough to approach me, I noticed their nerves as they stepped forward.

“Why are you so scared of me?” I looked to Daryl who’s expression was full of concern, he still had his crossbow half raised and aimed at me.

“You had the gun aimed at us sweetie,” Pete told me as he took my hand.

I gasped and slapped my free hand over my mouth. I had never been a violent sleep walker.

“I’m so sorry!” I apologised and cried into Pete’s chest.

With his arm round my waist, my Uncle led me back inside. Rick picked up my weapons and then my shoes further up.

“Daryl, ya comin’?” he called as Daryl was still stood by where I woke.

“Um yeah, two minutes.” He replied.


	3. Dreamin'

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lily begins to sort her priorities out and become productive with her 'staying sane' strategy.

"What was your dream Lily?" Rick asked as he wrapped a blanket round my shoulders.

"Um, Bella. She was in the forest. She was watching me and has watched me every time I was out there. It felt so real, it felt true." I explained.

"Well ya were just dreamin'" Daryl said as he returned 15 minutes after we got back inside.

"You wouldn't be saying that if I'd have shot you, since I have a good reason to at the moment." I glared at Daryl.

But was I really dreaming or was it some sort of subconscious warning? Like Bella might actually be watching me, and she’s always there but I’ve never noticed. Because she’s out there still, she got away, she escaped without paying the price of Carol’s death.

"Lily it's okay, you didn't so its okay." Pete soothed. "You slept walked loads when you were younger, it got real bad when Grandma died and you weren't allowed to go to the funeral."

"It's not a place for kids," I quoted my mum.

Those were the exact words she said to me; she was shielding me from all the pain. She didn't want me to see her, my dad and Pete cry. Pete flew over from Georgia for the funeral of his mother, and I wasn't even allowed to make the 10 minute car journey. The night of her funeral I was baby sat, in the night I got up and wandered out the house. My mum and dad's taxi back home spotted a young girl walking down the street in her pyjamas, the pair of them jumped out and brought me inside. When they got back my baby sitter was in hysterics.

I’ve seen so much pain now, nothing like before. They should have let me go so I could deal with pain and loss, so I could keep it together at a funeral but now I seem to have all the practise. So many people have been lost.

Pete began talking about how I got the sleep walking from him and he also use to do it as a kid when things got stressful. I wasn't being rude; I was just more interested in Rick and Daryl's conversation.

Rick whispered to him, "Find any thin' out there?"

Rick was as aware as I was when it came to Bella being alive.

"Naw, not a thing. She's going crazy man, am tellin' ya."

I'm going crazy all thanks to you Daryl. Thanks for being there and helping me through it. Backstabbing bastard. My heart broke a little more.

“She was just sleep walkin’, she’ll be paranoid with your little girlfriend still out there.” Rick gave Daryl a stern look and walked away.

Ouch, harsh comment. Especially since it was coming from Rick, I’m guessing he’s on Team Lily at the moment, but honestly that’s the last thing we need. We do not want a group division on our hands.

"Can you lock my cell door for the remainder of the night please?" I asked Rick as he was the only one with the keys.

"If it makes ya feel better, then yes." He granted my request.

"A lot better, I don't want to hurt anyone."

Rick followed me up to my cell, he didn’t return my gun and knife tonight and that was for the best. I don’t want to hurt anyone, not even Daryl..

I took a seat on my bed and expected Rick to just close the door like he said, but he stepped inside my bed cell and sat down next to me with my permission.

“Lily, I don’t want tonight to set ya back. I think ya did really well today, apart from the cunt incident.” Rick smirked at me, “Ya looked almost happy when you were sat with Maggie, Glen and Michonne.”

I smirked back, amused that Rick was able to make jokes and not take it too seriously when I was way out of line, “Yeah I was, I actually laughed with them today but it’s tough you know. Seeing Maggie and Glen together, I just think, if they can maintain a relationship through an apocalypse why can’t Daryl and I? There’s something blocking it from happening.. Anyway I don’t even know if Daryl still feels that way about me.”

“Believe me,” I believe and trust every word Rick says, “He does feel that way, just at the moment.. he’s a little torn..” he spoke like he wasn’t sure how to phrase something or tell me the whole story.

I left the pauses, I honestly couldn’t be bothered with anymore today. Because of today I have the emotional span of a spoon, I’m so worn out.

“It’s been a long day,” I said, hinting that I was ready for some hopefully dreamless sleep.

“It has,” Rick agreed. “Dream of only good things Lil, ya don’t need to worry about it.” He kissed my forehead and got up from my head.

He pulled my cell door round and locked me in, “Good night Rick,”

“Night Lil,” I listened to his footsteps before I laid down, he stopped by the stairs. “Night Daryl.”

Daryl’s awake? Good. I hope he heard me, I want him to think over what is going on between us because although I’m angry, I need him. And he most likely needs me.

But Rick said he is torn? What is her torn over? Carol and me? Bella and me? The group and Bella? I couldn’t be sure but whatever it was, Rick knew a lot more than I did. And I need to know.

I’d find out in my own time but right now, I needed to concentrate on not becoming crazy. I need to talk, I need to laugh, I need to smile. The feeling of love and warmth I get when I’m with Judith, I need to spread it out around the group. Forget Daryl, forget Bella, I needed to be me again.

I pulled the sheets over my legs and rested my head on the pillows, it was chilly again tonight so I pulled my knees to my chest and wrapped my arms around in as if to hold in the heat.

Tomorrow is a new day. I can’t think about tonight, I won’t think about how I could have shot one of the guys. It’s all about positive thinkin’.

The new day that would consist of positive thinkin’ came too quick for my liking, I felt like I had about 5 minutes sleep. I was very restless last night, I think subconsciously I knew my gun and knife weren’t under my bed like usual so I was unarmed and unprotected.

Rick told me to dream of only good things and unfortunately I did not.

I’ve woke up due to nightmares every night since we got back to the prison but last night’s dreams were so different, they were viewed in a different way, they looked different, it was like a video not my unconscious imagination.

I dreamed of Bella again, but this time I remained in my bed. My dream was a mixture of snippets from Woodbury and something new.

I dreamt that Bella still had her motor cycle; she was living it rough in forest. She had some supplies but was struggling. She looked so weak and defenceless, and unsurprisingly enough I was pleased by this.

I shook my head in a failed attempt to forget about my dream; after all it was just a dream.

I got out of bed and looked at myself in the mirror, my eyes were circled by purple rings. I could have passed as a walker if I had some flesh rotting away. All I needed was one good night sleep.

I pulled my cell door open, and nothing.

Oh yeah. I was locked in last night.

I rolled my eyes; this would be embarrassing. It would also raise some questions, that’s only if the rest of the group didn’t know already.

“Rick,” I called. “Can you let me out please?” I asked in not my most cheerful tone.

“Am comin’” he called back.

Rick lightly jogged up the stairs and along the empty passage way, Daryl was up.

“Thanks, “ I said when my door was unlocked.

Rick just smiled.

“Do they know?” I asked.

“There ain’t no secrets in this prison,” meaning yes.

Okay, it’s okay. They already thought I was crazy, I’ll let them think what they want for now but I will change their minds.

Rick and I came down to the living cell and got some breakfast, everyone quickly looked down at their hands, food or weapon, in Hershel’s case he looked down to his crutches. This will be another awkward breakfast to endure.

“Hey,” I said to Maggie as I took a seat next to her.

“Rough night?” she asked this time.

I yawned, “Yeah, it was crazy.”

“What were you dreamin’ about?” she asked curiously.

“Bella, I dreamed she was out there in the forest watching us,” I lowered my voice so only she could hear, “I think Daryl goes out to see her when he goes for his walks.”

It clicked with Maggie, her eyes widened, “It’s a possibility but how could he do that to you?!” she tried to stay hushed.

I just shrugged, “I don’t know but I need to find out for definite before I start kicking off. I need to check this out for sure.”

“He’ll be going on a walk today, he must be. Follow him and see where he goes.”

“Good idea,” I nodded.

I sound so stalker-like and it’s like I’m an overly attached and overly protective girlfriend, which I’m not. I just need to know if I can even trust the man I adore. I admired Daryl so much, and although I get angry at him sometimes over the way things have gone down between us but I still care, and he cares about me. I just need to know how much he cares, because if he is seeing Bella outside the prison, there will be hell on. She murdered Carol and nearly killed me. I can’t be with, or at least be near a man who has betrayed me that way.

So it was decided, today I would follow Daryl on his little trip out.

I watched him quietly all morning, he didn’t do much. He just sat and observed like I was doing today, we caught eye contact too many times so I began to make use of the time I was wasting and clean up the cell block.

I saw Daryl fiddling with his crossbow, this was my signal letting me know that he was preparing to go out of the fence. Maggie and I looked at each other from across the room. She’d be the only one who knew where I really was.

“I’m off out.” Daryl said to Rick with minimal emotion.

Rick just nodded, he knew Daryl could take care of himself and he had been out on his walks for so long now that he couldn’t stop him from doing so. It was sad for me to see Rick and Daryl's relationship slightly strained because of me. Rick cared for me like a little sister, he knew Daryl cared for me but he was going about it the wrong way and Rick wasn't too happy about it.

I walked across the room to follow Daryl outside, but Pete stepped in front of me.

“Where are ya off to missy?” My uncle asked.

“Um, I was thinking about walking the perimeter of the fences to check that we didn’t have any holes or any weak links.” Quick thinking.

“That’s a good idea Lily, but could you take a back pack please? Something inside will come in handy.” He picked up one near him and handed it to me.

“Okay,” I swung it over my shoulder.

"Be careful." He said.

"I will," I smiled.

I needed to remember that I couldn't ever be selfish now. There was more than just me, I needed to stay alive and well for Uncle Pete because I am all he has.

Before I went, I sneaked into Rick’s cell to retrieve my knife and gun. I pocketed them successfully; Rick was too busy chatting to Michonne while cradling Judith to notice. Hershel was teaching Beth some medical techniques and Glen and Carl were off into the tombs.

I gave one last look to Maggie, if anything happened to me while I was out there, she’d know the truth. She nodded once and I slipped through the door.


	4. Long Overdue

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lily follows Daryl and the day folds out not how she expected.

It was dark and damp in the forest today. The dew of the morning still fresh and hydrating all things green, the leaves, the grass, and the moss.

In fact, the cool but moist air was nice on my face, it kept me at a suitable temperature as I walked through the wilderness after Daryl with a jacket and a pretty heavy backpack on.

I made sure I kept my distance, but at the same time, to keep Daryl in my sights and on top of that I had to keep quiet so I didn’t blow my cover AND watch out for walkers.

I kept my knife and gun in my jacket pocket, a place that’s easily accessible.

I couldn’t stop the leaves and twigs on the ground from crunching and snapping under my foot, I couldn’t stop those noises, but I tried my best to keep as quiet as I could while moving but stepping on large masses of moss and leaf-less patches of grass.

It was way too early for me to be doing this sort of exercise, I was tired already and had to concentrate on not breathing too loudly as I panted, it was tough keeping up with Daryl who seemed to float through the forest, he passed through it effortlessly. I guess he knows the route.

As I walked, I began to think of the possibility that Daryl IS seeing Bella in the forest. What will I do if I see her? Do I hide and watch the pair of them or do I show myself and call out Daryl?  
I will most definitely, and officially, will be heartbroken if so. I will completely cut Daryl out of my thoughts and have nothing to do with him. My trust in this man will be broken and unfixable. My future with Daryl, our future together, everything relies on the outcome of today. And I am petrified.

Time had little meaning but at the same time it meant everything. Time was precious and it flew by so it was difficult to estimate how long I had been following Daryl for.

I glanced up from my moss covered and wet boots to find that Daryl had been engulfed in bright light. Had we came to the edge of the forest or had Daryl been abducted by aliens? I suspect we had run out of forest.

I would be seriously difficult to stalk Daryl out in the open, there’s no large tree trunks to hide behind if I stood on a large branch that made a loud snapping sound. Or if I stumbled over my own feet, the leaves couldn’t hide me.

Daryl had disappeared out of my eye sight, the sunlight shining down was too bright but I continued forward to the largest tree trunk at the edge of the forest. Beside the forest was a road.

Daryl had crossed the road and looked out onto the lake. The lake.

It’s the lake from before. It’s mine and Jake’s lake!

Why Daryl had come here? Was this where he was hiding Bella? It would be a logical thing to do since she had a nearly, never ending water supply.

He stood with his hands on his hips with his back to me, “Are ya going to come out of the trees or what?”

Damn it. He knew I was here, and he had probably known the whole time but led me to believe that I was a good stalker and as quiet as a mouse.

I sheepishly stepped out from the old oak tree; he turned around to meet my guilty eye.

“Why were ya following me Lily?” He asked.

Daryl didn’t sound angry or upset; it was just like he was asking a normal question. He should have been asking it like he was confronting a cereal stalker who had just got out of prison, which I almost was – I was just the last part.

“I just wanted to know where you went on your walks.” I replied, and it was true, I did want to know where he went on his walks, I wanted to know if he went to see Bella.

“Ya could have just asked.” Daryl said, as if everything was cool.

“You’d have said no.”

“How would ya know that? Ya never asked.” He was being all clever with me, for the first time it seemed like Daryl was being the mature, adult figure and I was being the young, almost foolish kid, I had always felt like Daryl was the same age as me for some reason.

“I hardly felt like it would have been appropriate to ask you Daryl, we haven’t exactly been the best of friends have we? You’ve had your way of getting to terms with things and I’ve had mine, it’s just a shame we haven’t done it together like we promised.”

Daryl looked down at his hands uncomfortably, “Do I have to have this conversation with you across a road?”

“DUCK!” Daryl suddenly shouted before I could even think of my reply.

And without and hesitation I did so, I threw myself onto the ground. Daryl, in lightning speed took his cross bow off his back and shot a walker in the head with an arrow.

The stinking body landing on top of me, I screamed then borked at the smell. I rolled over and pushed the walker off of me.

Daryl jogged across the road and helped me to my feet, “Thanks.” I said as I took his hand.

“Ya welcome.”

I brushed the dirt off of me and Daryl and I walked side by side over to the lake. We walked down the hill, and passed my car were I realised how bad things really were outside the walls of my house.

I sighed.

Daryl looked at me, “Is this too hard for ya?” he nodded to the half sunken car.

“No, it’s just I wished Jake was here with me. He would have outlived this mess. He was tough.”

“Like his dad.” Daryl added.

It was nice for me and Daryl just to talk without it being super awkward. I had missed his company, hell I’ve missed his presence.

We walked half way around the lake then sat down. On my third visit here, I managed to take in the full beauty of this place without the influence of heat, dehydration or shock affecting me. I sat crossed legs and took advantage of my surroundings. This time round, I noticed a banked rowing boat, it was a few meters down from us and in the middles of the lake, which I also missed before, was a wooden barge.

“I swam out and brought it in,” Daryl said as he followed my gaze to the boat. “I was fucking freezing afterwards.”

“I’m guessing it was the day you came back to the prison looking blue.” I laughed as I remembered his return, it was his chattering teeth that annoyed me this time!

“Yeah, I was frozen inside an’ out!”

I rubbed my hands in an attempt to warm them up, the breeze was chilling. “So is this where you’ve been coming to escape it all?”

Daryl nodded, “Yeah, pretty much. Just here and in the forest, it keeps me calm, it gives me a break.”

I chewed on my bottom lip.

“Lily, am sorry I haven’t been around and helped ya. I just couldn’t face ya. Just the look of ya, the sound of ya voice, it reminded me of Carol, of Bella and everything that happened to ya.” Daryl began the long overdue apology. “I don’t think ya understand how hard it is for me to hear ya cry out on a night ‘cause of ya nightmares. It drives me insane knowin’ I helped create them and I can’t stop ‘em.”

Daryl sighed deeply but continued, “I’ve always done things on my own, am not use to bein’ close to someone and sharin’ my problems. I sorted them out myself, even when I was a kid. My dad and Merle were no use, my mom left and I don’t blame her bein’ married to a man like my daddy. But yeah, I don’t know how to work things out with someone; I just deal with it myself and am pretty good at it since I’ve been alone for most of my life.”

“The nightmares drive me insane, I nearly shot one of you last night! You’re not the only one suffering Daryl, and you can stop them. They went away every night you came in to check on me, when I saw your face I knew I was safe and I had nothing to worry about. And you’re not alone anymore Daryl, I’m here and you need happiness and light in your life” I paused before I got to the upsetting bit, to the part where Daryl gave up on me. “But, Daryl, the first night you didn’t come to see if I was okay, it was the worst night I had ever had. I cried myself to sleep because I knew you didn’t care anymore. You need to step up because you have lots of relations in this group now and they care about you, they love you.”

“I will never not care about you.” Daryl replied. “I’m sorry Lily, I’m sorry for everything.”

“I’m sorry too,” I whispered.

Daryl took a chance and reached out to my hand that was resting on my knee, I interlocked my fingers with his and rested my head on his shoulder. I think this is the beginning of our new, better friendship. We are starting again.

We spent almost the full day at the lake, Uncle Pete’s backpack I lugged around with me did come in handy, and it gave me and Daryl our lunch.

We ate our lunch in the boat, with an paddle each, Daryl and I pushed the boat our into the middle of the lake before we tucked in. It was such a peaceful and quiet day, the world almost felt normal. I didn’t see a single walker but not that it mattered, I was safe with Daryl.

The conversation flowed easily, even for Daryl who was quiet; I really brought the chatter box out in him. It wasn’t awkward or uncomfortable like it had been for the past 2 months. Things were looking up.

I was so thankful that Daryl and I could have a normal conversation, for the sake of the others in the prison. I’m sure they could taste the awkward tension and I’m sure they’d be getting irritated by it, probably Carl with his shortening fuse.

Even though the day was cold, it was the most heart-warming one I had experienced in a long time. I had forgotten the feeling you get when you made a new friend, and that was what was happening with me and Daryl, we were getting along. But I couldn’t rush this, we needed to take things slow and let things play out however they should.

Daryl suggested that we should head back to the prison as it would be dark soon. We brought the boat back to the lake side and hopped out. Daryl, being the gentleman he truly is, carried my backpack for me.

We crossed the long and lonely road and entered the forest, after 5 meters of greenery, Daryl’s hand found mine once again and it didn’t let go until we arrived back at the prison.


	5. Haircut

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After a long day together, Lily and Daryl return to the prison and Glen has been using the skills Dale taught him.

The living cell was only occupied with Hershel and a sleeping Judith, Hershel was taken aback slightly when he saw Daryl and I enter together. I’m sure his eyes would have popped out of his head if Daryl still had his hand in mine.

Hershel was a clever man and played it cool with the pair of us, “I was started to wonder where you two had got to.”

“The prison it bigger that I thought, there was a lot of fence to check over.” I still remembered my excuse from before; I would have to actually do that job because if a walker did get in, it would be on my shoulders.

Maggie came from the bed block and into the living cell once she heard our voices, she eyed up Daryl and I next to each other.

“Good day?” She asked; she looked so happy and smug.

Daryl put his crossbow down on the table of weapons and presumably went to sit on his bed.

“It’s been quiet.” I said. I gave Maggie a look which meant ‘I’ll explain all later’ “Where is everyone?”

“Glen, clever lad, he managed to get the showers working. There’s a huge water supply.” Hershel said.

SHOWERS? Oh my god, I can’t remember the last time I had a shower.

I looked to Maggie and Hershel, “I thought you guys were looking clean!”

Beth, Glen, Rick, Pete, Michonne and Carl all came back to the living cell sparkling clean.

“Wow,” I said. “It’s so weird how good you all look clean.”

They laughed. Michonne continued to towel dry her hair, as well as Beth, but the men plus Carl left theirs to dry on its own.

“It feels great Lil, ya should go have one.” Rick glanced around the room. “Is Daryl back?”

“He’s in his bed. And yeah, I’ll go now and I’ll tell him.”

I left for the bed cell and to retrieve my towel and a fresh pair of clothes from my room, well the clothes were exactly fresh but they were good for tonight and tomorrow.

I walked up the metal steps and to Daryl’s open bedroom, “Did you hear that? The showers are working!”

“Yeah, are ya going for one now?” He asked.

“Yep, are you coming?”

“Urm,” Daryl thought about it, “Wouldn’t it be weird?”

I rolled my eyes, clearly there were some form of cubicles otherwise Michonne, Rick and everyone wouldn’t have showered together, but I joked anyway. “I’m sure if Pete, Rick and Glen can shower together, as well as Michonne, Beth and Carl, we can!”

“Okay, ya just go ahead.”

I went to my cell and collected what I would need. I returned downstairs and Maggie led me through the walker free passage ways, Glen and Carl cleared this out this morning.

“Just go ahead,” She smiled, “We’ll chat later.”

Maggie left me in the shower block, and I was so strangely excited for a shower. It’s the little things in life.

The floors were tilled; there was a shower head on the wall every two meters or so and there were multiple cubicles with doors and walls up to my shoulder height.

I placed my change of clothes on the bench nearby, and then hung my towel over my chosen cubical.

I was savouring every moment leading up to me having a shower. I kicked off leather boots, pulled off my socks; I wiggled out of my jeans and pulled off my tank top. I kicked and shoved all my clothing items under the door of my cubical and took off my underwear. I through them over the top of the door and they landed on my pile of clothes.

I slower turned the handle of the shower and water spurted out. I gasped at the freezing temperature but stayed underneath the downpour and it soon turned from freezing to cold, to cool, to warm to hot.

I tilted my head back and let the water run over my forehead, through my hair and down my back.

The hot water soothed my aching and over used muscles from today’s walk with Daryl. I began to contemplate over whether Daryl would actually take me up on my invite and come for a shower; I had to take baby steps with him. We’d spent more time together today than we have in the last 2 months, so it wouldn’t surprise me if he took a shower when I was done.

My mind was brought out of it’s deep thought by the knock and slight opening of the door, “Can a come in?” Daryl asked sheepishly.

I was almost thrilled that Daryl came, it was kind of pathetic like a teenage girl. I was nearly 21, well I could already be 21. I don’t know what day of the year it is, or month for that matter.

“Yeah, it feels amazing Daryl!” I exclaimed.

Daryl walked in as sheepishly as he sounded by the door. He picked a cubicle three down from me then glanced my way, I realised I was still staring after him and I turned around to let him get changed. Not only was I a pathetic teenage girl, but I was a pervert too waiting for him to undress.

I heard the kicking of shoes, the faint sound of clothes being thrown to the floor and the close of a cubical door. I heard the hush of the shower’s downpour and Daryl releasing all his stress.

“Fuuuuck, this feels good.”

I giggled and thought it was safe to turn around, “I know; it’s amazing.”

I had to be subtle looking at Daryl in the shower, so I peeped through the corner of my eye.

He ran his hands through his now wet hair, pushing it all back of off his face. Somehow, the trickles of water running down his arms which were now by his sides made them look so much bigger and defined.

“You need your hair cutting,” I noted.

“I know,” he agreed. “Does my head in bein’ so long.”

“All the men are looking a bit shaggy at the moment, I’ll give you all a trim.”

I had been in the shower for so long, the tips of my fingers were resembling prunes. I couldn’t put it off getting out into the cold air any longer, so I switched off my shower and wrapped myself in my towel.

I wrapped the towel around my chest and tucked it in place so my hands could be free from holding it up. I sat down on the bench next to my clothes, with my back to Daryl. He wasn’t as comfortable with my body as I was.

I slipped on my knickers then stood up and dropped my towel to dry off my legs before pulling on my jeans; which was a struggle anyway, never mind if they were wet.

I pulled them on successfully and turned around to pick up my bra and shirt.

“Woah, woah, woah. What are ya doin’ Lil?!” I looked up to catch Daryl spinning around to face the wall.

I laughed, “Jesus Daryl, they’re just boobs. I’m not bothered, I’m sure you’ll have seen them before.”

Yeah, Bella’s. I thought darkly.

“Course I have,” Daryl said defensively, “Just why do ya feel the need to get them out?”

I scoffed, “I’m not ‘getting them out’, I’m getting dressed.” I rolled my eyes.

Daryl slowly turned back around to face me, “A can’t believe how confident and comfortable ya are.”

“Guess it’s a gift,” I winked.

I hooked my bra on and buttoned up my shirt; I picked up my towel and began to dry my hair off. I wasn’t sure if I was seducing Daryl just then, or making him feel embarrassed and uncomfortable, either way; it was funny seeing his reaction. He was such an interesting guy, he is both confident and shy at the same time.

“I’ll see you in the living cell later, I’ll cut your hair if you like.” I suggested as I pulled on my boots and picked up my stuff.

“Sure,” Daryl agreed to it. “See ya in a bit.”

I hurried through the dark and empty tombs, I felt so vunerable without my gun and knife and with my hands full of clothes. It was scary alone in here. I know Glen and Carl cleared it out of walkers and they’ll have done a good job. But if one thing this world has taught me is to expect the worse, there’s a tiny voice in my mind telling me it’s not safe and that something’s in here. I needed to listen to that voice more often to be truthful.

I quickly got to the end of the tombs and into the light of the living cell. The atmosphere within was completely different to yesterday, right now it was happy, warm and peaceful. Yesterday was dull, dark and sad. Showers can do amazing things.

I dumped my dirty clothes on the laundry pile, it was mine and Beth’s turn tomorrow, and returned to where everyone was sat. We were getting ready for bed.

“Looks like someone could do with a haircut,” Rick said as he ruffled Carl’s still damp hair.

“Same for you dad!”

“Would you like me to cut his hair?” I offered, “I was going to do Daryl’s after he got out of the shower.”

“That’d be great, I think we all need a bit of a trim.” Rick laughed as he ran his hands through his own untamed curls that were usually pushed all the way back.

All the guys agreed to it, Maggie, Beth and Michonne backed out. Maggie and Beth could manage with their hair after years of it being shoulder length, Maggie’s had really grown and Michonne with her dread locks didn’t need it.

I was handed a pair of scissors and Carl was my first client, he sat down in front of me.

“Let’s make sure he can see.” Rick said as Carl flicked his fringe to the side out of his eyes.

Before all this, I wasn’t exactly a professional hair dresser but at weekends I had a little job at a salon. At first it was just sweeping up the hair off the floor but I soon learned some tricks after getting friendly with a few of the girls working there.

Rick was next, then Pete, who wasn’t too keen with me having scissors so close to his ears and face, then Glen and finally Hershel.

“I just want my lil’ pony tail snipping off dear, nothing too fancy.” Hershel said.

“Thank god,” Maggie exclaimed, “That pony tail ya had goin’ on was awful.” She laughed.

“Watch it missy, those things use to be cool back in my day.” Hershel warned playfully.

“I like it Hersh!” Glen backed up his soon to be father-in-law.

“Thank ya Glen,” Hershel winked.

With one quick snip, then evening out the length, Hershel was done.

“There you go!” I said brushing off the tiny hairs from his shoulders.

“Thank ya darlin’.”

People started to drift off to bed one by one, since The Governor was long gone, we had no need to keep a watch out overnight. It’s not like Bella would come looking for us on her own, it’s not like it was her fight anyway. The fences outside gave us enough protection and enough piece of mind for us to get a couple of hours sleep. Any walkers by the fence on a morning, we could easily take out.

Daryl finally returned from his shower when it was just Maggie, Glen, Beth and I in the living cell.

“Still up for that haircut?” I asked too cheerfully.

“Sure,” Daryl repeated, acting all nonchalant about it.

“How short?” I asked as he took a seat.

“Pretty short.” Okay, I had a lot to work with.

I began snipping away and Daryl’s thick locks. I stepped infront of his and crouched down to his eye level, pulling and twisting at the sides of his hair.

“Urm, watcha doin’?” Daryl asked uncomfortably.

I laughed lightly, “Checking if the sides are even.”

I heard the rising of Maggie, Glen and Beth from the chairs.

“I think we’re gonna get to bed, it’s late.” Glen said.

“Night guys,” I called over my shoulder.

I snipped some more, Daryl’s side fringe and long side burns were gone. His hair was short at the top but still long enough for it to flick up slightly as if it were styled. His hair wasn’t curly but neither straight, it had this untamed look.

I brushed the hair from his shoulders, “All done.” I announced.

“Thanks,” Daryl said shyly as he stood up.

I was really pushing the mark with Daryl today, I would have thought that he’d practically ignore me when we got back to the prison but he was cooperating well.

I stepped forward, “You’re welcome.”

Daryl brushed my fringe out of my eyes, “Looks like ya could do with a haircut yaself.”

“Like Glen said, it’s late. I’ll do it tomorrow.” For some reason, my voice had slipped into a whisper.

With Daryl’s hand hovering by the side of my face, he leaned in slowly and pressed his lips to mine, very gently.

And as slowly as he leaned in, he pulled away. “Good night.” He said and walked into the bed block.

He left me standing in cell block C like a giddy teenage girl who had just had her first kiss. It had been too long since I have had passion directed at me like that. It felt good.


	6. Nervous

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's the morning after Lily and Daryl's kiss and Daryl goes out on a run with Rick, Michonne and Carl but there's something that keeps Lily's mind from worry about Daryl.

Daryl kissed me last night, and I had no idea how it occurred.

We’ve been practically ignoring each other’s existence for weeks. Then a few words exchanged, a stalk into the woods, (not that that is normal or healthy for a relationship/friendship), and a day together. That’s all we needed really, just to be with each other and spend some time together talking and address the elephant in the room.

I rolled out of bed and swapped my pyjamas, which was just an oversized t-shirt, for my clothes for today and stood in front of the mirror. The person staring back at me was almost unrecognisable; there were not bags under her eyes, there was some colour in her and expression in her eyes, she looked happy.

Last night I didn’t have a nightmare, for the first time in weeks and I know exactly why. It’s because Daryl was in my life again.

This morning I woke up in a genuinely happy mood and I was very much looking forward to seeing Daryl this morning.

I blew my fringe out of my eyes, Daryl was right; my fringe is getting long. I pulled out my scissors from last night and snipped at my fringe till I could see again.

With one last look of the stranger in the mirror, I made my way downstairs to where everyone was sat. Like always, I was the last one out of bed.

“Morning,” I called.

In reply was a mixture of hello’s and good morning’s, Daryl lifted his head from his breakfast and caught my line of sight. He gave me a smile which I returned, my smile was from ear to ear.

Carl, Glen and Maggie had Judith on the table, they were playing with her and tickling her, in response to that Judith was giggling away, while they did so, Beth who is a natural mother was making them breakfast.

On the other table sat Rick, Hershel, Michonne and Daryl who all seemed to be listening to Pete intently, their heads were low and Pete’s voice was hushed.

As nosey as I am, I quickly grabbed some water and something for breakfast so I could catch what they were saying.

I took the spare seat beside my Uncle Pete but by the time I got there, he had shut up.

“What were you guys talking about?” I asked nonchalantly as I took a bit of my granola bar.

“Nothing really, just today’s run out.” Pete replied.

My heart stopped for a second. “Are you going?”

Pete shook his head and Rick took over, “Michonne, Daryl, Carl and I are going to take one car and run out for baby supplies and anythin’ else we need that’s available. We’re really runnin’ low on food at the moment, just a box full of granola bars and a couple’a tin cans left.”

My fear wasn’t relieved, Daryl was going on the run.

“Are you sure you don’t want me to come along? There’s been a lot more walkers in the area recently, ya could do with the back up.” Pete pointed out.

“Thank ya, and ya right but we need the space in the car.” Rick said politely.

“And it’s nothing we can’t handle,” Michonne gave a smirk to Daryl who had the same look on his face.

In all honesty, I really had nothing to worry about. Daryl could easy take care of himself and others out there, but of course I worried about him and anyone who went out on a risk. You never know what might happen. There’s always this little voice in the back of my mind going ‘what if one of them doesn’t come back?’ ‘what if Daryl doesn’t return?’

Daryl, Michonne and Rick were the best ‘protectors’ of the group, I put my full trust in them which is not only nice but daunting. Along with them Carl is also very capable of killing a walker or five, it scares the hell out of me.

My Uncle Pete is also a great shot, he’s been hunting and going out onto the gun range for years and years. Since America’s license on guns is a lot different to those in England, when I moved over here he made it his duty to get me trained with a gun. Although I may have hated those days out in the blistering heat, I am very thankful for them now.

I looked up to Daryl; he was playing with his fingers, whether it was down to nerves or boredom I wasn’t quite sure.

I finished my breakfast and cleared away everyone’s rubbish and bottles off the table for them. I threw the wrappers in the bin and refilled the bottles for the guys to use on their run out.

Like every other run, I’ll be thinking of Daryl all day; wondering and hoping he and the others are safe. Even in those two months we were practically strangers to one another, I still drove myself crazy in the hours he left the prison just to wander the forest.

Hershel and I left Beth and my Uncle Pete with Judith inside the prison, we followed Rick and Daryl outside to the car they were taking. Out of habit, as soon as I left the safety of the prison walls I scanned the forest for any strange activity but I just spied Glen and Maggie taking down a cluster of walkers by the fence.

Michonne and Carl, who had picked up a weird bond with each other, were loading up the car with weapons and bags to fill.

“Come on Dad, let’s go!” Carl said as he clambered into the backseat next to Michonne.

I think he really admired the warrior in Michonne; he was inspired by her strength and capabilities.

“Am comin’,” Rick called then turned to Hershel and I.

“Now y’all be careful.” Hershel said and patted Rick on the shoulder.

“Ain’t I always,” He replied.

“Take care of that boy, you too Daryl.”

Daryl gave a stern nod in Hershel’s direction, he respected the guy; he was kind and full of wisdom, he genuinely cared about everyone in the group, even Daryl.

I swallowed hard, “Watch your selves out there.”

Rick nodded towards me and headed to the car where an impatient Carl and Michonne playfully beeped the horn. Daryl stayed for a few seconds longer.

“Be careful.” I said to him.

I ignored the urge to throw myself at him and hug him tightly; I don’t even know how Daryl would take it never mind everyone else. From what they know, we still aren’t talking. Except Maggie and Glen who have more of an idea.

“’Course. I'll see ya soon.” He said and placed his hand on my upper arm before turning to the car.

Daryl took the passenger seat beside Rick and slammed the door shut. This could be the last time I see any of them, you never know.

I let out a deep breath and I found Hershel comforting me, “Don’t you worry yaself darling, they’ll be back in no time.”

“You think?” I asked nervously, I had never been this nervous before.

“I know.” Hershel said with a warm smile.

I smiled back, “Are you coming inside?” I offered.

“I think I’ll sit out here for a bit, get some fresh air and keep an eye on Maggie and Glen.”  
And so he did. Hershel hobbled over to a bench we moved closer to the gate the other day as I made my way back inside.

I opened the cell door with a creek and made my way downstairs. I looked around for Beth, Judith and Pete but they were nowhere to be seen.

In a puzzled state, I froze and held my breath; listening to anything that could give away their location.

Very faintly I could hear the hushed voice of my Uncle and small sobs coming from Beth, they were in the bed block. I tiptoed round to find Beth holding Judith over her shoulder facing me, Pete had his back to me and he had his head lowered to Beth’s level.

Tears were streaming down Beth’s face and she looked pretty angry, I had never seen her like this before. She had to keep her cool because she had a sleeping Judith in her arms.

Was there something wrong with the baby? Was it Uncle Pete, what was he saying to her?  
Beth locked her eyes on mine which were questioning.

“What’s going on?” I asked, the tone a mixture of shock, fear and slight anger.

Pete whizzed round, not noticing my presence until I spoke. His eyes were wide. Beth saw her chance and rushed past him holding Judith tightly to her chest, the tears still pouring.

I watched her pass me, my mouth hung open. This is the most strangest and unlikely scene for me to witness. Pete and Beth hardly spoke, of course there was polite small talk and what not. It’s just that Pete never really wanted a relationship with her to begin with, he can obviously see how much she resembles his daughter Sarah. It’s painful for him.

Has he finally snapped? Has he called her Sarah or convinced himself she is Sarah? I don’t blame him for going a bit crazy, I thought I was when I first met Beth and I nearly was just a week ago.

I stared at Pete with questioning eyes; he pressed both hands over his face stressfully.

Beth was the one who was upset, she was the one I needed to follow, and so I did. She had run into the living block, the only other room to escape to. Judith was secure in her little play pen laid on the mat while Beth sat with her head in her hands at the table.

“Are you okay? Beth what happened?” I said as rubbed her back and sat beside her.

Her sobs were raging out of her chest; she was fighting to catch her breath. No one had been in this state, no one since me.

Beth sucked in a ragged breath, I continued to rub her back and soothe her, “Just breath Beth, concentrate on breathing and in your own time tell me what happened.”

Pete stayed out of the way, I suspect her went to his cell and so he should, what could he have said or done to make Beth be like this? It was scary and so many horrible things were entering my mind.

Each passing minute, Beth was calming herself down and was managing to communicate with me with actually words instead of gasps and screeches. Thank God her dad was outside, I’m sure he’d want answers from Pete straight away, the pair of them weren’t exactly best friends. They hardly spoke, like Beth and him.

“Do you want to tell me what happened? What did Pete say to you?” I asked.

Beth wiped her eyes and nose with the sleeve of her jumper, “I can’t tell ya, seriously Lily a wish a could but I just can’t.”

I felt the colour wash out of me, I lowered my voice and used my deadly serious tone. I pick up her hands and looked into her eyes, “Beth, has he hurt you?” My Uncle was not that type of guy, he would never ever hurt someone in anyway but the rules have changed now and this dark world can take it’s toll on you.

Beth instantly started shaking her head, “No, of course not. Don’t be silly Lily.” She sniffed, “I honestly wish I could tell ya, but I can’t. For the sake of the groups bond, I can’t.”

I couldn’t stand to have Beth upset and my Uncle be the cause or have something to do with it, “I need to know Beth, he’s my Uncle.”

Beth’s bottom lip quivered, she shook her head slowly, “No, Lily.”

I rose from the table, “If you’re not going to tell me, Pete will.”

I stormed into the bed block and marched up to the cell I first slept in when I came to the prison, Pete was sat on the end of the bed with his head in his hands.

“Are you going to tell me what the fuck that was about?” I asked almost angrily.

“Language Lily.” Pete replied sternly, he wasn’t usually bothered about my language he was just avoiding my question.

I just repeated myself, “What the fuck was that about?” I demanded.

“Beth is my daughter.”


	7. Annette Greene

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Pete dives 17 years into the past.

“How long have you known Beth was yours?” I asked Pete as we walked around the inside perimeter of the prison’s fences.

“From the second I laid my eyes on her at the motel, I knew it was the daughter who never really was mine.” Pete said as he walked beside me, hands in pockets.

“Beth is the same age as Sarah, you’re going to have to explain this to me from the beginning, the very beginning.” I said; my mind was puzzled.

Pete took a deep breath before he dove deep into his past, “I met Annette, Beth’s mother, in a bar one time, me and your Aunty Heather were in a dark place. She was awful to me, so moody and depressed; she was full of anger and aimed it all at me. I just thought she was being wicked when in fact she was pregnant, but neither of us knew at the time.

I left the house that night and went to the pub. Sat at the end of the bar was this pretty looking woman, this said looking woman. We got talking and we went to a hotel. I cheated on Heather while Annette cheated on Hershel, this went on for weeks. We’d meet up with one another in secret, telling our other halves it’s a doctor’s appointment, we’re at the dentist or it was a work thing. Both of our marriages seemed to be in tatters and near an end, we needed someone to talk to and we found each other.

The hour I found out Heather was pregnant with Sarah, I broke it off with Heather and she understood fully. Heather’s pregnancy hit me like a ton of bricks, it knocked sense into me and I couldn’t wait to go through what we did with Jake, we could be a family again.

Annette and I stayed friends, and friends was all it was. There was a special bond between us, we helped each other out in our time of need. When she rang me and told me she was pregnant, I said congratulations and she replied with you too. I thought it was so strange because she knew Heather was expecting weeks ago and told me then.

She explained that she was pregnant with my child, she worked out all the dates and it had to be mine. I felt like the world was crumbling at my feet, I would lose Heather, my son and unborn child, Annette would lose Hershel and his daughter Maggie who she loved like her own.

I arranged to meet up with Annette and discuss the future, like if she were to keep it and if so would I be a part of the baby’s life. Of course she kept the baby, and she said I could see the child but she was going to explain all to Hershel eventually, she was just letting me know.

I was a complete coward, I couldn’t tell Heather that I had got another married woman pregnant and it was someone she most likely knew. It’s a small town, she’ll pass her in the street, smile and say hello. I couldn’t tell her and lose my family, everything I have ever loved.

Sarah was born, and I had never seen something so beautiful and I had never been more in love with my wife. Two months later, Beth was born. Annette rang and told me when it was safe for me to visit, I came and broke down. Beth looked like Sarah, Sarah looked like Beth. Tiny fingers, pink skin, light hair, blue eyes. I have carried the blonde hair and blue eye gene, the one your mother gave to you and so I have gave to Beth and Sarah.

I would visit Beth weekly, it was tough at first but soon things settled and we found ourselves in a routine which lasted a lengthy three years. The secret of Beth’s father had become too much for Annette to handle and she told Hershel everything.

I knew of Hershel, I knew he was a nice man with a good job, a big old house and he usually was very level headed but when he found out Beth wasn’t his and she was truly mine, Hershel hit the roof. I was in the bar which I met Annette in at the time, Hershel stormed in and knocked me out unconscious in one swing.

Hershel stayed with Annette, he understood that he wasn’t treating her well and he could understand why she did what she did. As a good man, of course Hershel raised Beth as his own, and not mine. I didn’t see Beth again, all I got was yearly photographs of her, mostly when she was a child but the time she hit 12/13, I got a photo once a year although I could never forget my daughter’s face.

I had no intention of making Beth cry and turning her world upside down, but you’ve got to see it from my point of view; my wife and two children are dead, I have one child left on this earth and she doesn’t even know I am her father, she needs to know, she needs to know I love her and I care and I’m sorry I couldn’t be there although she has had a great father in her life, one that has done a better job than I could ever do.”

The image of my Uncle Pete with another woman, with a blurred face since I never knew Annette, whirled round my mind with a million questions. I could see this man living a double secret life and it was painful for him. It broke his heart every time he walked met up with Annette and held his daughter Beth in his arms, and it broke his heart every time he returned home to the smiling faces of his wife and son and also when he held his other daughter Beth.

I imagined him contemplating telling Heather everything every night as she slept next to him, but truthfully I think he did the right thing keeping it quiet, Heather would have left him and took the kids with her, leaving him with nothing.

I then saw things through Pete’s eyes, watching him watch Beth and Hershel together, seeing his daughter alive in this wretched world but to look at another man who she believes to be her father. That is probably the most painful thing in the world, loving something or someone so much and they don’t even know. I’ve had a taster of that myself.

A thought dawned on me, “Does Hershel remember you? Does he know you are the father of his child?”

Pete shrugged his shoulders, “To be honest, I’m not sure if Hershel does know that the Pete who is Beth’s father is the Pete who is sharing a cell block with him. He hasn’t said a word to me, just small talk.”

“Maybe that’s the sign that he does know you are Beth’s father, him not talking to you. I doubt he’ll be over joyed to see you and be sharing his bottled water with you, but it’s the apocalypse, he has to live with it.” I said.

“He’s lived with it for 17 years.”

We walked in a non-awkward silence for a while, both of us wrapped in our thoughts. I needed the time to get my head around things, having Pete as Beth’s true father meant that Beth was my cousin! I have another family member; my heart felt like it had swollen up.

It was always difficult and almost strained relationship with Beth because she looked so much like Sarah, I already cared for her like I did with Sarah, but now I really do and can love her like a cousin because she’s family. At the same time, my heart ached. Where I had gained a member, Maggie had lost one. Maggie had lost her half-sister, someone she had grown up with and I hardly doubt she knows the truth about Beth’s dad.

I had to ask the obvious questions to get thing straight, “So Beth is your daughter?”

“Yes.”

“Which means that she’s my cousin.”

“That’s right,” Pete nodded.

“Can I go talk to her? Tell her I know.” I asked.

Pete’s eyebrows knitted together in thought, “I don’t think you should love, Beth doesn’t believe me. She thinks I’m just making it up and that I want her to be a replacement of Sarah as I haven’t gotten over the loss of my family. I don’t think she’ll ever believe me, she only would if it came from her ‘father’.” He did air quotes with his hands when he said father.

I nibbled on my lip, “I think we have to tell Hershel.”

“No, not so soon. Leave Beth be, she’ll be traumatised from my supposedly crazy outburst, let her think things through and in a few days we’ll think about it then.”

This was very reasonable, I agreed on it; next week we’ll drop the bombshell firstly on Beth and Hershel then unleash this family mess onto the rest of the group who had to know.

All this drama had occupied my mind so much I hadn’t even thought of Daryl, Rick, Michonne and Carl and how they were doing on their run. I only remembered about them when I heard the sound of thick tires against the stones of the drive way.

I rushed over to open the gate for them, Pete helped me secure the gate back and they pulled up in front of the prison.

“All in one piece?” Pete asked as everyone stepped out of the car, Pete and I quickly made our way up to them.

“We’re okay,” Rick smiled pleasantly and pulled Pete in for a man hug. “It was a great run out, we have backpacks full of shit we desperately needed.”

Carl looked to his father and gave him a stern look, Rick just laughed.

I literally jumped into Daryl’s arms, I couldn’t help myself. I was so relieved he and everyone else was okay, I also felt a little guilty for not thinking of him much today. He returned the hug with tight arms around my waist.

“Ya miss me like Lily?” He asked into my hair.

“’Course,” I said in my best Georgia accent, repeating one of the last words he said to me today.

“I told ya I’d see ya soon,” Daryl said, clearly chuffed seeing how I had missed him so much.

“Soon didn’t come quick enough.” I replied.

I let go of Daryl before things got intense between us and awkward for everyone else, I adjusted my shirt which had risen up when I reached for Daryl’s neck and started to talk; all eyes were on me anyway, “Did you get the baby food?”

“Enough for months,” Carl smiled, looking pleased with how todays run turned out.

“Good stuff! Need some help bringing it all inside?” I offered but Pete quickly jumped in.

“Why don’t you head on inside Lily, I can help them.” He added a wink on the end and I did as I was told. Somehow, today’s revelations with Pete had brought me even closer to him, he needed someone to confine in and I was his best person.

“Okay,” I brushed Daryl’s arm before I left which was responded with raised eyebrows from both my uncle and Rick.

I ignored them and returned to the prison to Maggie, Glen, Hershel and Judith; Beth had locked herself away in her cell. I sighed to myself but put on a front and joined the others.


	8. Surprise

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Staying human is tough in a world like this, but what's more human that to celebrate a birthday?

The night dawned on us all quickly, especially quick on those who had ventured out of the prison and risked their lives. Carl was carried to bed by Rick, Michonne slipped away earlier on in the evening and I practically dragged Daryl to bed as he was falling to sleep at the table.

“Look at him,” Glen giggled and nodded to Daryl.

I looked to him; he had his hand on his cheek holding up his head but his eyes were firmly closed and his mouth open slightly. He was slipping in and out on consciousness; his head was rocking over his hand, a struggle to stay up straight.

“Aw bless him.” My laughed into Glen’s arm, “Take him to bed Lily.”

I smiled at him, “I think I should.”

I placed both hands on his shoulders and said gently, “Come on Daryl, you’re not sleeping on the table.”

Daryl mumbled something and kept his eyes closed.

“Come on,” I said again and began to get him too his feet.

He wrapped an arm around my shoulders and used me as support and I led him to the bed block. The stairs were a struggle, Daryl dragged his feet slowly up them, stumbling occasionally.

Thankfully his bed it right at the top, in the open. I attempted to lower Daryl gently down onto the bed but with his weight and my so called strength Daryl dropped right onto his bed, his head hitting the pillows.

It was like taking care of a drunken person, although a drunk usually had more to say. I tugged at his shoes till the slid off then tugged Daryl in bed while he was still fully dressed, I don’t think he’d be okay with me stripping him. As much fun as it would be for me.

I brushed his hair back twice, kissed him on the forehead and whispered good night. I stood back up and walked those few meters that separate Daryl and I.

“Night blondie,” Daryl called, a lot louder than his earlier mumble signalling that he was awake.  
I, myself, slipped quickly into a deep sleep, although I might not have done a lot of physical activity today like Daryl, Michonne, Rick and Carl, my brain was in meltdown and I was mentally exhausted.

This morning I woke up with a headache, all the new information and crazy ideas had raced around my brain all night. I rolled over with a groan onto my back to stare at the dingy grey ceiling of my cell.

It was possible for my Uncle to have cheated on his wife and to have fathered a child all those years ago, he’s lived here for half of his life. Georgia is his home. But it is unbelievable that I, his only remaining family, find a group of survivors and it contains the husband of Annette and Pete’s daughter he never got to see after the age of 3. Even more so, that fact that Pete survived the over run of the house and then managed to stumble into the chaos of the prison against The Governor.

All these coincidences were almost impossible but obviously this was meant to happen. Pete deserved to have his child know that he was her real father, after all this time and the situation they are in at the moment, love is something we should be cherishing.

I rested a hand on my forehead, as if I were to hold back the many thoughts that were circling my head. The next week or so would be difficult and tension filled, Beth should know, Hershel should know and so should Maggie. This was going to be upset, and damn it we were having such a good week.

There was that horrible sound of metal being hit by something hard, the sound rang out through the cells.

“Shh Glen!” It was Rick’s voice.

“Sorry.”

Their voices were so much closer, they’d usually be faint and I’d have to be completely silent and have to concentrate hard to get what they are saying when they were sat in the living block.

I looked to my open cell door, and everyone appeared smiling at me.

“Okay so this is weird,” I laughed, “What are you guys doing?”

Pete stepped forward with a small pink candle pressed into an apple, “Surprise, happy 21st birthday.”

“Oh my god, I didn’t even know.”

What way to celebrate your 21st birthday, in jail.

Behind Pete stood Rick holding Judith, Carl was by his side, Maggie, Beth and Glen were next, Michonne was on her tiptoes to give me a smile and right at the back was Daryl, I guessed he wasn’t the one for a party. Hershel wasn’t very steady on the stairs, so he wasn’t up at my cell.

“I can’t believe you knew the date, never mind remembered my birthday,” I said to Pete.

“It’s the little things in life now; we need to hold onto these sorts of traditions. Ya know, keep us human.” He replied and handed me the apple.

I sat up in bed and held the apple to my face, I blew out the candle.

“What no cake? Come on Pete,” I joked as I took a bite.

The juice ran down my chin, I wiped it away quickly but the sweet taste was immense. How did they find a ripe piece of fruit?!

Everyone returned downstairs, I followed after getting dressed and brushing my hair and teeth. I was right about Hershel; he was sat waiting for me at the nearest table.

“Happy birthday Lily!” He exclaimed and stood up.

“Thank you Hershel,” I gave him a hug.

I turned back around to grab the usual; water and granola. This diet was unbelievably unhealthy, I had lost so much weight and because my diet was so bad I didn’t even have my periods anymore.

I carried my breakfast and sat down at the table, I didn’t really take notice of my surroundings, but when I took my seat across from me sat Rick with the biggest grin on his face. On his lap was a guitar.

My heart stopped and my eyes widened, “Where did you get that?”

Rick’s smile got even bigger, “Just a little something Pete asked me to pick up for your birthday on the run out yesterday.” He shrugged it off like it was no big deal.

Forget about breakfast, I rushed round to the other side of the table and pulled Rick in for a hug.

“Thank you!!” I exclaimed.

“Don’t thank me, thank Pete. It was his idea.” He said as he squeezed me back.

“But you retrieved it,” I said, my smile from ear to ear.

Rick handed me the guitar, it was in such a good condition bearing in mind it was an apocalypse. I felt incredible to have an instrument in my hands again, I ran my fingertips down over the strings the sound relieved me of my stress.

“I thought ya’d want something special for your 21st and something to cheer you up, I know you haven’t been in the best of places recently.” Pete said and gave a quick look to Daryl who was looking at the floor but still part of the group that had circled around me.

All these little signs told me that Pete was not a fan of Daryl, and would not approve of a relationship with him.. but we’ll deal with that when we get to in, no need to jump ahead of things.

Handily, I gave Pete a hug. “Thank you. I didn’t expect anything. I’m thankful enough to be alive, not to have the gift of music.”

I was tearing up! I never really cried, unless I was beaten to a pulp or when we lost somebody. I prided myself on being strong but I was so happy and I couldn’t wish for a better present.

“Play us something,” Carl smiled at me, it was a cheeky little grin that made him see like he was 6 years old.

“Okay,” I laughed nervously.

I didn’t have to think about it much, my fingers found the strings and I played them almost effortlessly.

Maggie rested her head onto Glen’s shoulder, Michonne seemed to have loosened her forever tense stance and baby Judith arms went in to a frenzy as Hershel held her. This was the first time Judith had ever heard music.

Beth began smiling to herself, then looked up to me; she recognised the tune and began to sing.

“Come up to meet you, tell you I'm sorry  
You don't know how lovely you are  
I had to find you, tell you I need you  
Tell you I'll set you apart.”

Her voice was lovely, this was another thing the Anderson gene gave us, the talent of being able to sing. It was something I loved and used as an escape. I smiled back at her, so desperately wanting to tell her who she really was to me, not just a fellow survivor, not just a friend, but my cousin.

We sang in unison;  
“Tell me your secrets and ask me your questions,  
Oh let's go back to the start.  
Running in circles, coming in tails,  
Heads on a science apart.

Nobody said it was easy,  
It's such a shame for us to part.  
Nobody said it was easy,  
No one ever said it would be this hard.  
Oh, take me back to the start.”

I felt so relaxed and comfortable with the guitar in my lap, the mood in the block changed from happy to chilled. No one had ever felt ‘chilled’ during their whole time experiencing walkers. You could never relax in this type of world but look what a little bit of music can do.

Beth and I received a small round of applause from everyone.

“Wow, you’re both really talented.” Glen smiled at the pair of us.

“It’s that Anderson gene,” Pete said, the second the words left his mouth I could see he regretted them and probably didn’t mean to say them out loud in the first place.

I glanced at Beth, her face was furious. Her eyes were like daggers directed at her real father. Hershel, stared at Pete with a confused look upon his face but as I watched him his expression slipped from confusion to realisation. I think he was putting the pieces together.

Carl stepped forward and came up to me with Judith, “I’ll swap ya, Judith for the guitar!”

I laughed; I was a lot happier about how Carl and I were getting on now that I wasn’t ‘depressed’ anymore. I guess he thinks that his little word with me was the one that dragged me out of that dark place.

“Come on then,” I placed the guitar on the table and held out my hands for Judith.

With his tongue out in concentration, Carl handed me Judith and eagerly picked up the guitar.

“I’ve always wanted to learn guitar!” He exclaimed.

I had never seen this sort of happiness and childlike excitement in Carl in all the time I have known him, the only kick he got these days was when he took down a walker and did something to make his Daddy proud.

“I could always teach you,” I said as I wiped the spit from Judith’s chin.

“Or me if ya start to stress Lily out and ya’s begin to fight.” Beth chirped in.

I laughed, “Good job, I think I’ll need some back up. You’re a tough kid.”

Carl stuck his tongue out playfully at me, and Beth ruffled his hair. I’m sure Carl would much prefer to have Beth as his teacher.

“Hey, um Lily?” Daryl said, towing me by the elbow so my back was towards Carl and Beth who were now in the world of music.

“What’s up?” I asked as I rocked the baby.

In a nervous manner, Daryl rubbed the back of his freshly cut hair, “I was wondering if ya wanting to go out on a hunt with me today? Or to the lake maybe?”

“That would be good,” I smiled, I was smiling a lot and it wasn’t even 9 am yet. “It’s just that I said that I was checking the fences when I followed you so I should probably do that today, and make a good job of it. You can help me if you want?”

“It’s a date,” Daryl smirked and wandered back into the bed block.


	9. Happy Birthday Blondie

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Daryl and Lily go on their 'date'.

Daryl met me outside and with him he brought an impressive tool box, all I head with me tool wise was a pair of pliers. In my pocket I had my pistol and knife for protection even though I was staying on the inside of the fence, you can’t be too careful.

“You sure you brought enough?” I asked with raised eyebrows, the box was huge.

He laughed, “Don’t start. We’ll probably need most a this stuff, it’s nice to use ‘em anyway. They belonged to someone from the group before.”

“Oh,”

Thank goodness I had committed to doing this job, if I had just used fixing the fences as a cover for me stalking Daryl we could have let in some walkers and that would have been on my shoulders.

There were a few open and loose links in the fence but they were easy to fix, I was finally getting my hands dirty after weeks of doing next to nothing but cooking and cleaning.

We got to the back of the prison; I was shocked with what I saw. I thought we were completely closed off but a large concrete wall was in pieces, the fence was ripped open. I’m guessing it’s what the desperation to escape from inside the diseased ridden prison drove inmates to do. Only some sort of grenade or homemade bomb was capable of this sort of damage.

“Shit.” Daryl said as he took in the scene. “A think this bit might take us a while blondie.”

First we had to move all the medium rock sized pieces of concrete off of the fence, it was buried under all the rocks and dust. As a team, Daryl and I picked up the rocks at the same time they were surprisingly heavy and difficult to hold. My grip would slip often as the outside layer of the concrete was weak and would brush off like dust.

“One, two, three.”

Daryl and I lifted up a large piece of concrete; my back was going to be killing me by the end of the day.

We carefully stepped over all the other slabs that stuck out of the pile, as if they were purposely trying to trip us over. Together with one swing, Daryl and I threw the concrete to the side.

“Phew,” I released a breath and wiped the sweat from my forehead.

Although it was a cold day, I was working up quite a sweat being so physical and wearing a couple of layers. I unravelled my scarf from around my neck then began to take off my jumper.

I heard Daryl’s pathetic attempt to stifle a laugh when my head was engulfed in cotton.

“My top is stuck to my jumper isn’t it?” I guessed as I felt the wind on my bare stomach.

“Yep,” this time Daryl made no attempt to hold back his laughter. “Stay there.”

He reached over and I felt a tug, my skin came in contact with the softness of my t-shirt again. I pulled my jumper fully off my head.

“Thanks,” I smiled; my naked body was becoming a regular occurrence to Daryl.

I started to shift some smaller pieces of concrete out of the way; piece by piece I was throwing over my shoulder, to unearth the fence.

“Fuck!” I shouted.

I placed my hand on my chest; my heart beat had sped up when I saw the hand under the rock I just moved. I thought it was a walker but there was no sign of life, well movement.

Daryl leaped over to my side, “What?!”

I pointed down to the dusty and rotting hand.

Daryl crouched down to inspect it, “It’s severed. I think we’ll be comin’ across more body part like it. Dumb bastard blew himself instead of escaping, my bet.”  
I thought about it for a second, “He wasn’t dumb, he was clever if he ended it all on purpose.”

He picked it up by the baby finger and held it up in front of my face, I instantly jumped back. In one quick arm movement, Daryl launched the hand over the fence and into the woods. In its place was more dust and a layer of thick, dried blood. This time a year ago I would have been light headed and felt sick at the sight of the hand and the blood, but I’d grown use to it.

“Keep goin’, don’t let a little hand put ya off.” Daryl said with teasing eyes.

“I’m not,” I defended myself, “But how could you pick up that think. It was gross and it stunk.” The gore may not make me feel faint but I still thought it was disgusting.

He just shrugged, “I don’t get freaked out by that kinda stuff, it just don’t bother me much. I picked up my brother’s hand when he cut it off on the roof.” Like me, Daryl had grown use to it but he probably had from a younger age than I.

“Oh yeah, Jesus Christ.”

We continued to move the broken wall off of the fence, and Daryl was right we came across a lot more rotting flesh. I couldn’t even identify what body part it was, it was that shredded and decomposed.

"What a romantic date this has turned out to be.." I said with a wrinkled nose.

"So it's a date?" Daryl smirked.

"Urm yeah, you're the one who said it was?!"

He shook his head, but the smirk on his face stayed. "Don't remember. This is the first time I've heard of any date but it's nice to know what ya think of me Lil."

I rolled my eyes, "You must know what I think but don't get cocky about it."

I elbowed him in the ribs but he quickly caught it and towed me round to face him. Daryl cupped my face.

"Do ya know how I feel?" he asked.

I knew my voice would fail me and come out as a weak whisper so I shook my head.

"Will this clear things up?" He asked rhetorically and kissed me hard, taking my breath away from me.

He let go of my face and I fell back onto my feet from my tiptoes only to stumble over the uneven ground. Daryl quickly grabbed my hand to stop me from landing onto a very large, and blood splattered rock.

"Wow, didn't know I was that good of a kisser. A make ya weak at the knees." Daryl teased.

"Oh yeah, course. It had nothing to do with these millions of rocks." I rolled my eyes, it was nice to have the sarcastic, playful Daryl back.

We continued to work and clean the back end of the prison gates up.

I held my breath as Daryl and I lifted a large piece of concrete with some dead flesh on. I could really feel the weight of the rocks on my back now; I hurriedly dropped the concrete in the new pile and stretched my back.

Daryl noticed me straining, “Why don’t ya’ll take a rest? There’s only a bit left to do, besides ya shouldn’t be working like this on ya birthday.”

I twisted to the left then to the right to click my back and relieve it, “I didn’t think you were acknowledging my birthday I thought you were just making me work my fingers to the bone, I thought maybe that was your idea of a gift.” I joked.

“Course am acknowledging ya birthday, an hey I’ll ‘ave ya know I got ya a present! In short notice too.” Daryl brushed his dusty hands on his trousers and reached into his pocket, he pulled out something that shone even in the pale sunlight.

“You didn’t have to get me anything Daryl, I was just joking then! We’re in an apocalypse for fuck sake!” I exclaimed.

“I know, but it’s ya 21st. Ya need something special.” He laid the delicate chain over his hand so I could get a better look at the necklace.

“Still being alive is special enough. What did you get for your 21st, nine years ago?” I said as I inspected the necklace.

Daryl scoffed, “Don’t remind me how long ago it was, jeez. And a got a bottle of Jack Daniels and a black eye.”

“What happened?” I asked as I lifted the small heart up.

“The Jack Daniels was from Merle, I drank the bottle an’ was completely shitfaced and a got beat up in a bar.” He shrugged as if it were nothing.

“Ouch, bet that hurt.”

“Not gonna lie, it did at the time but I’da rather went through my pain than the guy’s who punched me. He looked like the elephant man after Merle finished with him.” Daryl said and laughed to himself.

He lifted up the necklace to eye level and it was lovely.

The necklace was beautiful; it was dazzling and encrusted with diamonds, it was simple and pretty. The chin was so thin, as well as the outline of a heart shape. The links of the necklace held on the each side of the heart so the piece was a part of the chain and not hanging off it, as if it were complete with the heart, with love.

“It’s beautiful Daryl,” I said admiring it with my fingertips while it was still in his hand. “Thank you.”

“Ya welcome,” He gave me the best smile I had ever seen on his face, “Now I ain’t the one for bling either, and I thought this was somethin’ ya’d like. Let me put it on ya.”

I turned around so my back was to Daryl; I lifted up my hair from the back of my neck so he could put on the necklace for me.

You’d have thought Daryl would have struggled to fix the clip of my new necklace with his large fingers but he easily locked it around my neck, “There ya go.”

Suddenly I felt his breath on my neck, “Happy birthday Blondie,” I closed my eyes as Daryl’s hands slipped to my hips and as he pressed his lips to my neck. I failed to suppress a moan.

At first, they were delicate kisses but the soon turned into wet, more forceful ones. He suck and nipped at my neck and under my ear. I couldn’t take it anymore; I spun around and crashed my eager lips into his.

It had been too long since I had kissed Daryl passionately, although I had never kissed him like this before. My hands were running through his now short hair, his hands were slowing moving up from my hips, up to my waist, across my stomach with it's large scar, this was a side to Daryl I had never seen; he cupped my breasts, grabbed them and pressed them. This was going somewhere I had never been with Daryl.

We slipped to the ground, our lips or tongues never parting. I was laid flat on my back with Daryl hovering over the top of me, the free hand which wasn’t holding him up slithered up my top where Daryl found my breast again. I guess he couldn’t stop thinking about them since the showers.

I began to undo the buttons of Daryl’s shirt, one by one. With each button, more of his chest was exposed meaning so was his scars and a marking of a tattoo removal.

Daryl abruptly pulled back and looked up.

“What? Why are you stopping?” I asked breathlessly.

“We have company, and it’s closin’ in fast.” He said and jumped to his feet.

I turned around to find a walker making it’s way to the rubble, groaning at the sight and smell of the living. God dammit.

Daryl swiped his crossbow from the ground then effortlessly aimed to shot the walker in the head. He got the eye socket, bull’s eye. Even when he was well on his way to seducing a woman, he kept an eye and ear out for danger lurking by.

He turned back around, looking out of breath himself. Daryl walked to my feet and held out his hand to pull me up, “Guess the moment’s over?” he asked, he raised a forgiving eyebrow.

“Completely over. First action I get in months and the dead ruin it for me. Typical!” I laughed, but the annoyance I felt could be easily heard.

“We’ll see how it goes later on,” Daryl winked as he pulled me to my feet.


	10. Wet

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lily and Daryl return to the prison for a shower.

The sun had disappeared behind the tall trees of the forest, blocking out the light and also the warmth. I pulled my jumper back on from earlier to hide the goosebumps on my arms and to keep out the cold.

Daryl and I were, surprisingly, nearly finished. We had worked hard today, with only the one distraction; all we had to do now was attach the fence.

We lifted the fence up, the light breeze of the movement sent the surrounding dust up into the air for me to inhale and splutter into a coughing fit.

Daryl used the tools effectively and secured the fence, I felt safe and I felt proud, of both him and myself.

“Just in time for our curfew.” I said as I glanced up at the sky, stars were starting to appear through the gaps of the clouds.

Daryl rose to his feet, his jeans from the knee down were coated in dust and dirt so much you’d think they were purposely meant to be dye another colour, like Daryl was starting off an apocalypse trend.

He picked up his toys and put them back in the tool box, he through his crossbow over his shoulder and threw me my scarf, “Let’s go, it’s dinner time.”

Daryl picked up my hand from my side as we headed back toward the front of the prison and inside. Our hands were filthy, mine were slightly grazed and scratched from being so soft and dealing with the sharp cornered concrete, Daryl’s on the other hand were a lot tougher from years of hunting.

It seemed to go from sunset to complete darkness in five minutes, I clumsily stumbled behind Daryl as we walked up to and through the hallway to the cellblock, he dropped my hand before we came into view of the others.

I stopped myself from releasing a rather audible sigh, if Daryl didn’t feel comfortable being like that with me in front of the others that’s fine. I understand, that’s how he is, he’ll get embarrassed but I just wish he did so I didn’t feel like he was only nice to me when he felt like it.  
There was a roar of laughter from inside the cell block, Daryl swung open the door to the room that was only lit up by candles.

Everyone was sat around the two tables starting their dinner, although it may count as supper now considering the time, with bottles of various alcohol we took from the motel. Rick and Glen assured us it was for medical use only, even Hershel picked out a few favourites of his and backed up the cover story.

“You’re all celebrating my birthday without me?” I asked, “That’s shocking!” I laughed.  
Uncle Pete picked up a glass and filled it with whatever was closest to him, “Here ya go sweetheart, ya first legal drink!” He announced.

I was no stranger to alcohol. The legal age for drinking in the UK is 18 and I had definitely starting drinking before that, maybe around the age of 15 or 16 when people started to have house parties. The good-old crazy days!

Glen poured Daryl a glass of Jack Daniels, I watched him as he knocked it back and subconsciously I did the same.

Rick laughed at the face I pulled when the drink of mine ran down and burnt my throat, “To Lily!” he said as he stood up to raise his glass.

The rest of the group rose to their feet with their glasses at head level, even Hershel managed to stand up for me and Carl did too but with apple juice in his cup, well I think it was anyway.

“To Lily!” They all said in unison.

“Thanks guys,” I put my empty glass back down on the table and headed towards the bed block, I passed Maggie on the way that was having a refill.

“Hey where are ya goin’?” Maggie she asked and half followed me.

“For a shower, look at me.” I looked down at my legs and held up my dirty hands, “I’m filthy.”

“Ya can shower later,” She smiled.

“Now it’s party time!” Glen said as he joined her side with a huge grin on his face.

I rolled my eyes in defeat, I guess that one drink wasn’t enough, “Oh alright.” And Maggie grabbed me by the cuff of my sleeve and towed me over to socialise.

Everyone apart from Daryl and I had already had a couple of drinks in them so we were playing catch up. As soon as I had emptied my glass Maggie, Glenn, Rick or Daryl was topping me up.

I felt so pretty disgusting after today’s work; I was sweaty, dirty, dusty and tired too, but with every sip of a drink my worries were slipping away.

Beth, who only had the one or two drink from Hershel’s approval, picked up the guitar and played some lovely background music which added to the mood of the group.

I don’t think I had ever been this happy since the dead began to walk; I was having such a good time, I was having such a good birthday.

My make shift family sat around the tables, tonight Daryl had stayed by my side when usually he would do his own thing when we were amongst the others. Under the table, out of view from Pete across from me, I placed my hand on Daryl’s leg and I felt him tense up beside me.

Carl sneaked up behind me and whispered, “Pour me a drink please Lily,”

I laughed and hid the vodka bottle under the table; I unscrewed the cap and poured some into Carl’s apple juice.

Daryl craned his neck over, “Ya sure ya should be giving him that?” he asked.

“Oh he’ll be fine,” I brushed it off, and accidently poured in more than I should have.

“That’s enough Lil,” Daryl laughed and stopped my from emptying the bottle into Carl’s cup. “No more for you lil’ man.”

Carl nodded and smiled before returning to his seat beside Beth.

I felt like my head was going to fall off my shoulders, it was rocking all over.

“Jesus Lily, you’re shit faced.” Daryl laughed and brushed the hair that had fell across my face away.

“Nooo, I haven’t even had much. It’s just been so long since my last drink, I’m a lightweight!” I explained and laughed.

I laughed into Daryl’s neck, his arm wrapped around my shoulders but something made him change and he sat me back up in my chair off of his chest. I’m guessing it was Pete’s glare.

I rose from my seat a little wobbly, “I’m going to have a shower now before I’m too drunk to know what I’m doing or where I am.” I announced.

I grabbed a freshly washed towel from the pile and walked through the dark corridor to the shower block. This is when I feel the true affect my previous drinks had on me. I stumbled into the wall and bounced back off of it. I had to concentrate hard to walk in a straight line, and although I made a difficult task out of an easy journey, I got to the showers without landing on my arse or crawling on my hands and knees.

I pulled out my gun and knife from my pocket and placed it on the bench. I took off the rest of my clothes and went to the nearest cubical with my towel over my arm. I hung it on the door of the cubical and switched on the shower.

All the dust was washing off, turning the water murky before it went down the drain, dust was even washing out of my hair. I was feeling cleaner and less drunk by the second.

The shower block door swung open and Daryl walked in, with a towel and a change of clothes. Dammit, I’ve forgotten mine. So I’ll have my shower, get clean and change back in to my ridiculously filthy clothes..

“Don’t mind me,” Daryl said as he walked over to the same bench I had put my stuff on.

He pulled his tshirt off over his head, revealing his scars that shocked me every time I saw them. I must have gasped as he turned round.

Instead of saying anything about his back, he notices the sparkle from my chest. “Ya’ve left ya necklace on Lil.” He said as he pulled off his boots and socks.

I looked down to my bare, wet chest to find the necklace Daryl gave me, “Shit, I forgot. Can you take it off for me please?”

“Sure,” Daryl’s voice slipped into a deeper tone.

He walked over to my cubical, and I suddenly felt very self-conscious and vulnerable. Why was this? I was usually so comfortable and happy with myself, I am usually confident but this at this moment, I wasn’t.

And it’s because I knew where this was going to go, and I was nervous.

There was only the door that separated Daryl and I, with his head way over the top of the door, he looked down at me, seeing me completely naked under the running shower. I turned around, not so he could get a full view, but to unlock my necklace.

He unclipped it for me and took it from my neck, I turned back around as he threw it and it landed perfectly on the middle of my folded clothes.

Something, suddenly, completely washed over me. I reached up on my tip toes and grabbed the back of Daryl’s head, forcing his lips on to mine. They moved around each other’s, moaning in the middle of them.

I was uncomfortably pressed up against the door which acted as a barrier blocking me from Daryl’s bare chest. I pulled back breathlessly and swung open the door, Daryl stepped in and grabbed me by the waist and from then I stepped back so we were directly under the shower together.

With one hand on the back of Daryl’s neck, I used the other to fumble round his belt in an attempt to open it. With every passing second, the water was running down us was causing his trousers to stick to his legs and make it a tougher job for me to get them open and off.

Daryl placed his hand on the wall behind us when I moved my lips from his to his neck. I worked my way down his torso, kissing and licking his hot skin till I was eye level with his belt. Now I can see what I’m doing.

With ease I pulled off his belt and threw it under the door of the cubical. Then I unbuttoned his trousers, I tugged at them hard but they didn’t budge, the soaking material was clinging to his legs. “Fuck,” I complained as I pulled again at them.

Daryl laughed at first but then I could hear the desperation in his voice "Come on Lil," he could hardly keep himself contained. With a lot of work put into it, I pulled Daryl’s trousers completely off him and they followed the belt under the door.

The only thing left were his boxers, the flimsy material which kept hidden what was on my mind. I rose to my feet and looked into his eyes as I reached into them. Daryl closed his eyes and let his head fall back.

I didn’t just want Daryl, I needed him. He was the part of me that went missing in those weeks after Woodbury. I couldn’t survive without him, I couldn’t live without him and this was how I would let him know.


End file.
